Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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