Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
