I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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