Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
