I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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