I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
