the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There r osticjed everywhere
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
