Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
