So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
