I CAN MOONWALK!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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