If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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