He is such a slut. More and more my type.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dignity is for republicans.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
