so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
