i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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