Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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