When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize