I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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