Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
