I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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