nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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