billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
