she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
