Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
