Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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