saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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