if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
