Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
