And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
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It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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