He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
