can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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