Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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