So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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