made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize