please come you make the beer taste better
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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