I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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