this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
