She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize