??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
