It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
