Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
