Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
