I need help removing her.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
