And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
