she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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