i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
