so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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