Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
