I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
