Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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