i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
