Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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