dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
