It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You are a genius and a whore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
