if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
