Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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