the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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