i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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