I just pynch a tree in the face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ttyl tear gas
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
