Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
