I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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